I'm loving it.

I wanted to blog today. I really did. I was halfway through an entry when something happened, and because that "something" happened, I had to stop blogging for the rest of the night.








Wanna know what that is?












Do you have any idea how hard it is to blog when you have a half-kilo parrot sleeping on your shoulder, growling softly everytime you move too much?

It's impossible, i tell you.

So!

I'd decided to take a month’s hiatus away from blogging (says a lot about the absence, dunnit!) to give myself some “ME” time to sort through various issues… but now I’m back and raring to go! Now for the updates of the more.. INTERESTING things that have been happening in my life. Not that you care to know, but I’m gonna tell you anyway!


1. I AM DONE AT NGEE ANN POLYTECHNIC! Hallebloodylujah baby! My three years at NP have been bittersweet. I’ve won some battles, lost more, but most importantly, I LEARNED. I almost didn’t make it through my final semester, but thanks to a rather odd twist of fate (more about that later) I managed to pass… by default. Ah well. A pass is a pass is a pass. My input at NP is over. Time to move on.


2. I GOT INTO NANYANG TECHNOLOGICAL UNIVERSITY! Believe me, I’m more shocked than you’d ever be. Having a measly 2.6 GPA, I thought I’d have to, y’know, do a couple of dodgy “favours” to get in, but NO! Apparently I must’ve done really well in the aptitude test they made all of the applicants sit for, because I’m the first and (so far) ONLY person from my diploma course that has managed to get in NTU. I must’ve won them over with my sheer talent and creativity! I kid, I kid. Seriously though, as one of my lecturers put it, “There must be something very, very wrong with what we’re teaching, if someone with a GPA of 2.6 managed to get into a course that someone with a GPA of 3.4 couldn’t.”

3. I am still own by a very, very active African Grey by the name of Wheeler, who might have a little friend to keep him company in August. And that little friend is a Sun Conure. If you don’t know what that is, go google them. They’re bloody adorable.

4. I’ve decided to keep my personal life out of my blogs, but the people who matter definitely know what’s going on, yes?

5. I am making plans for my new tattoo. More about that later.

6. I have made major changes in my life. Shifted priorities, perspectives, and all that nice stuff. I’ve learnt that planning too far ahead just leads to major disappointments, so now I’m just rolling with the punches, surfing the waves of fate, riding the train of destiny, driving the rickshaw of opportunity, and all those other very posh-sounding descriptions.

I’m living for the moment, because there won’t be another moment that’s like this one.



I shall stop here. My head’s about to self-combust. More updates coming soon!

"But seriously guys," Sy said after he drained the last of his beer, "if you guys need dildos, just let me know. I know someone who can sell them to you for cost price. And they're good quality ones too."

Now, I don't know what's worse; the fact that:

1. Sy is a buff thirty-something who goes to the gym religiously and has a body to rival Vin Diesel;

2. He said it in the most matter-of-fact voice possible;

OR

3. I was the only girl at the table, but I wasn't the only person he was addressing.





OR maybe it was:

4. We weren't even talking about dildos in the first place.

"Naked I came from my mother's womb,
and naked I will depart.
The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away;
may the name of the LORD be praised."

Job 1:21

So, today started out like any other Saturday. Nantha and I were supposed to meet up at Orchard for dinner and do our usual 1 hour trek/chitchat session down to the Esplanade. But, today was going to be different.

I spotted him in the crowded train station and we both waded through the mass of people. Just then, we saw each other and stopped dead in our tracks. We stared at each other’s t-shirts for a good five seconds.


threadless.com


“OH MY GOD!!!!” We yelled in unison. People turned round to see what the commotion was. We were wearing the EXACT same tshirt! We buy quite a number of our tshirts online, and both of us loved this particular design. We decided that we would try and call each other beforehand to make sure we weren’t going to wear the same tshirt like one of those sickly sweet/demonstrative couples who love to coordinate their clothes. It’s just disgusting. We both clutched our shirts and tried to cover the design and hoped that no one would notice. And this isn’t exactly a design that is easily overlooked.

“What should we do?! Should I buy a new top or something?” I said panicking.

“We could just pretend like we wanted to do this.” Nantha said, hunching over.

“This looks SO stupid.” I groaned.

“There isn’t much we can do.”

Suddenly, I had a brainwave. “You could turn your tshirt back to front!”

“What?!” Nantha looked at me like as though I’d just insulted his mother.

“You know, Turn your tshirt around! Your bag’ll cover the design!”

“But the cutting will be off! Tshirts are made to be more roomy in the front.” he eyed me suspiciously. “Why dyou want ME to do it anyway? Why don’t YOU flip your tshirt around?”

“Because if there’s really less space if I wear it back to front, my boobs’ll be squashed.”

“Good point. Okay… okay.. I’ll do it. Yeesh.” He sighed as he disappeared into the toilet.

He re-emerged a few minutes later, walking as though he had a finger in his butt. “This is SO uncomfortable. My tshirt feels way too tight and it feels so weird.” He grumbled.

“But it doesn’t look obvious at all!”

“Really?”

“Yes, sweetheart. Now, just try and act natural.”

“Remind me to never do this again. I don’t know why we’re going through all this trouble just to hide the fact that our tshirts are the same. It’s not THAT bad!”

After surviving the ordeal, I went home and told my mother about our coordinated tshirts. Her reaction was priceless.

“Aiyoh!” she winced. “SO obiang!"


Seriously, who wears coordinated tshirts nowadays anyway?

I’ve been meaning to post this since last June, but I completely forgot about it until I came across the news clipping in my drawer.
--
So, it’s 8 in the morning. I’m in Malaysia for a camp and I’m using everything short of toothpicks to keep my eyelids open for more that five seconds. I’m not exactly what you call a morning person. I flip open the newspaper and come across an interesting article about a Catholic priest in the Philippines being held hostage. As I’m reading, I come across something that almost causes me to spew Milo from my nose. I rub the sleep from my eyes and re-read the paragraph. Again. And again. And again. And I’m still not believing what I’m reading.

This is the complete article. Click to enlarge.



And this, my friends, is the paragraph of interest.



WHAT. THE. HELL.

I couldn’t believe it. Renegade MILFs are holding a Catholic Priest hostage! What next? Midgets holding Michael Jordan at gunpoint? Why, of all acronyms did it have to be M.I.L.F?! Why couldn’t they replace Mono with something like, Grand? Grand Islamic Liberation Front! GILF! Wait, nevermind.

I still couldn’t believe that a group with such a name existed, so I decided to wiki them. And true enough, they were alive and kicking! Just take a look. If I had a Jägerbomb everytime I giggled, I would be passed out on the floor before I could finish reading half the article. How the hell do you expect people to take you seriously if whenever I think of your group, the best I can do is conjure up images of the lovechild of William Wallace & the Stepford Wives?

In case you don’t want to read the entire Wikipedia article, here are the best bits:


----------------------------

“The MILF initially declared a jihad but became more receptive, especially following claims it is linked to the Abu Sayyaf and al Qaeda.”

“Authorities blamed a renegade commander of the MILF for Bossi's kidnapping, but it denied any involvement.”
Dear Lord, the MILF have a RENEGADE COMMANDER!

“MILF operatives attacked government troops in Maguindanao resulting in at least twenty-three deaths.”

“In January 1987, the MNLF accepted the government's offer of semi-autonomy Like Fordys MUM . The MILF refused to accept the offer.”
The MILF denied Forby’s mum! Maybe her chi-chis weren’t big enough.

“…Governor Ampatuan blamed the MILF for a June 23 bomb attack on his motorcade, which killed five in his entourage.”

“An MILF spokesman later confirmed that some its members had been involved in the clash, despite the fact the MILF is currently engaged in peace talks with the government.”

----------------------------


I’m gonna stop before I explode. Cannot tahan.

I’m not trying to diss anyone, but for the love of Bob, couldn’t you just check the alternative meaning of your acronym BEFORE you use it?!